I want to cry, that is all I can even say to describe how I am feeling right now. I had started this post a week ago and put it aside because I just didn't want to think about going back to school and the summer coming to an end. Well, that all came to a smashing end tonight and it hit... it's a long story and I actually don't really want to go into all the details, it just all revolves around school stuff.
As summer is rapidly disappering, I am starting to get "that" feeling. Well let me back up a bit and explain that feeling... when I was in college, I was a nanny for the summer before my senior year and as the summer was coming to an end Justine (that was the mom's name) she said to me that she hated the end of the summer. She said that she just couldn't stand leaving the NH farm and going back to LA, getting the kids ready for school. She said that it made her so depressed and put her in a total funk for the first part of the fall. Which I totally couldn't understand at that point in my life because I was in college and i just couldn't wait to get back to school.
All I have to say is that, now I totally understand... I am dreading going back to work the end of this week to set up my classroom and then next week with kids. Even typing that sentence gives me "that" feeling. That of anxiety and sadness. I feel anxious about all that the school year brings with it, my days get so much longer and much more stressful. My day will start at 5 am and I usually don't get to bed until 10 or sometimes 11pm. I end up feeling that I never get a chance to catch my breath and it is just go, go, go. I also feel that I am never spending enough time with Allie and Jack. Nevermind trying to keep up with the housework, that just becomes a loosing battle.
I have really come to like our summer routine, we have found what works best for us and we do what we want, when we want to. We go to the library, the beach, the park, our backyard and Grammy and Papa's (when we can.) I love enjoying our mornings together and being lazy if we want to or heading out and going on an adventure. I love snuggling in bed the three of us in the morning and watching my children get to know each other better day by day. I have loved seeing the bond between them develope and I love that Allie can bring a smile to Jack's face and hearing her call him "bruda". These are all the things that I am going to miss when I go back to work.